I certainly
feel that I have run out of gas. I was already at this stage before sickness
hit me and my bike was stolen this week. There two things finished me off.
I am in a
reflective mood, a natural enough feeling I suppose having reached the halfway
stage of my time here. I am fairly satisfied with what I have done so far. I
didn’t have any specific goals for the first three months; except for finding
my feet, getting a feel for the place, and get along to as many rallies as I
could. These were fairly general objectives and I think I have achieved them
quite successfully.
It’s one
thing to read about the politics of a country in journals and books from afar,
quite another thing to actually live there for a substantive period of time and
learn from that experience. There are so many layers to a country, and
Timor-Leste is no exception. What I learned from reading about it in my first
year is a world away from what I have learned about it having lived here for
just three months.
Even still,
after all the conversations, all the newspapers, and all the rallies etc. I
feel that I have only begun to scratch the surface of only a small number of
aspects of the story here. My knowledge and understanding has improved
dramatically; but what I know is still so shallow. Perhaps the greatest thing I
have learned here is how little I know. And that is an important point to
reach. Prepared with complete modesty to re-enter the field after my week long
break in early May, I believe I can crawl a little further along my education
about this fascinating country.
On my
supervisor’s suggestion, I will take 2-3 days off proper and take a proper
break. Winding down and forgetting about it will be difficult. I am an
obsessive compulsive with my research, I got to sleep thinking about it, I wake
up thinking about it; it follows me everywhere. Being sick was actually a
blessing as I couldn’t really think about anything even if wanted to. Stepping
away from my research will help give me some distance and hopefully may shed
some new light on it. I’ve got a few ideas that I want to develop, turn into
short articles; see if they have legs.
I’ve been
invited to propose a paper as part of a presentation for a conference in late
August. The conference is on Histories of Violence. I would need to put
together a half page paper proposal by the end of Monday, not much time, but I
have an idea that I might be able to develop for such a purpose. It would be
pretty rushed, a fairly scrappy proposal, but it may be worth a shot. Half a page
isn’t too bad and I’ve got a topic. Be good practice anyway.
My topic
would focus on the deployment of narratives of violence and suffering in the
electoral campaigns in Timor-Leste. The political usage of the tragic outcomes
of violence has been a common theme here and I think I have enough to turn it
into something substantial. I’ll have to cram it over the next two days, but I’ll
give it a go. Here’s the link to the conference site:
The language
issue here has been quite frustrating. I mean, my Tetun has not really
progressed during my time here. I don’t seem to have many opportunities to use
it. I need to work harder with it but I find it a challenge. I don’t have a lot
of interaction with local people on a regular basis. I try and use Tetun as
much as possible but it is limited and I find myself falling back into using
Indonesian. English is reasonably common here with the people I am meeting from
political parties and NGOs, and I get much more out of these conversations by
using English. I read the local papers every day and I feel my reading has
improved, so it’s not all bad. It’s the funniest thing. The guys who sell me
the paper think it’s hilarious; a malae coming along and buying all the papers
every morning. They try and sell me as many as they can, even if they are a day
old. Ideally I would do some courses to improve it, and they do exist. I might
need to check it out, though I am increasingly concerned about expenses with
the loss of my bike etc. And finding time will be hard. When I get back in the
middle of May, time will absolutely disappear. Gonna be so busy with
campaigning for the parliamentary elections gearing up.
I think I’m done
here… I’ll post again sometime during my break in Bali. Until then, stay safe.